Hulk Hogan’s
sex tape has leaked online, and now he’s about to let lawyer-mania run
wild on anyone who dares distribute it. Translation? He’s totally
prepared to sue the pants off of peeps. When the existence of the tape was made known back in March, Hogan promised sweet, sweet legal retribution. Even so much as a screen grab was enough to send the wrestling legend into a tizzy. So needless to say, when Gawker leaked a one minute clip of the tape yesterday, Hogan was, errr….displeased. According to TMZ, he is in the midst of writing a cease and desist letter to the offending website, demanding that the video clip be removed.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t describe it, right? (Checks legal council) We can? Great! Let us begin. Despite being just one minute long, the clip is truly something special. The woman in question is allegedly Heather Clem, the ex-wife of his best friend, DJ Bubba The Love Sponge. It begins with Hulk giving her oral sex on a canopy bed when a man’s voice is heard. The voice reportedly belongs to said dude, Bubba. “You guys do your thing. I’ll be in the office if you need me,” the voice says. Wait, wait, wait, is Hulk boning his best friend’s ex-wife … while he waits patiently in the room next door? From then on, our memories are just a scattered haze of 59-year-old thong tan-lines, spanking, references to rubbers and other unpleasantries that we’re trying our hardest to forget.
“This tape was made secretly without Hulk’s knowledge or permission,” says his lawyer, David R. Houston, who probably always dreamed of representing someone called “The Hulk” when he was in law school. “We are going to do everything in our power to figure out who did it. Anyone displaying the tape will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law.” The tape came from a time in The Hulk’s life where he forgot the whole “saying his prayers and eating his vitamins” thing, and instead was in the midst of a four-month-long booze and sex binge. So much so that he claims he can’t even remember his partner’s name. So understandably, this is not a time he particularly wants captured on film for the ages.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t describe it, right? (Checks legal council) We can? Great! Let us begin. Despite being just one minute long, the clip is truly something special. The woman in question is allegedly Heather Clem, the ex-wife of his best friend, DJ Bubba The Love Sponge. It begins with Hulk giving her oral sex on a canopy bed when a man’s voice is heard. The voice reportedly belongs to said dude, Bubba. “You guys do your thing. I’ll be in the office if you need me,” the voice says. Wait, wait, wait, is Hulk boning his best friend’s ex-wife … while he waits patiently in the room next door? From then on, our memories are just a scattered haze of 59-year-old thong tan-lines, spanking, references to rubbers and other unpleasantries that we’re trying our hardest to forget.
“This tape was made secretly without Hulk’s knowledge or permission,” says his lawyer, David R. Houston, who probably always dreamed of representing someone called “The Hulk” when he was in law school. “We are going to do everything in our power to figure out who did it. Anyone displaying the tape will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law.” The tape came from a time in The Hulk’s life where he forgot the whole “saying his prayers and eating his vitamins” thing, and instead was in the midst of a four-month-long booze and sex binge. So much so that he claims he can’t even remember his partner’s name. So understandably, this is not a time he particularly wants captured on film for the ages.
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